Best Instructions of the Week

Off the Core

Purchased a set of three santoku knives at Costco today. They are made in China for NapaStyle, a U.S. company, and NapaStyle's attorneys receive my award for best instructions of the week.

The instructions include the following:

General Safety

. Always use caution when handling cutlery items. Misuse of cutlery may result in personal injury.
. Ensure that cutlery blades are always sharp. Dull blades ... may cause personal injury. Do not test sharpness with your hand or fingers; test on a food item.
. Do not allow children to play with cutlery.
. Always carry cutlery items with the blade pointing away from your body.
. Always cut or slice away from your body.
. Never try to catch falling cutlery.

To these very insightful tips, I would add (at no charge to NapaStyle, I will point out):

. Do not practice juggling with cutlery.
. Do not wear cutlery.
. Do not shave your neck, legs or other sensitive body parts with cutlery.
. Do not use cutlery as a substitute for your toothbrush.
. Place food items to be cut or sliced on a hard surface, such as a cutting board, rather than on your abdomen (see bullet point 4 above for more detail on this issue).
. If using cutlery as a substitute for lawn darts, do not look up to watch its trajectory.

Thank you NapaStyle. I hope your knives ... excuse me, cutlery ... give me as much pleasure as your instructions.